LOW-DOWN & DIRTY!

It used to be one of life’s givens that if you went in search of some romantic R&R, you took your aesthetic life in your hands. Dirty-weekend hotels came in three decorative flavours: sleazy seaside knocking shop, dusty country house or dodgy temple to ersatz tradition. Now all that's changed. These days, people don’t just decorate their hotels – they design them. They’ve brought modernist furniture to country manors and put Bang & Olufsen sound systems in old havelis. They have realised that the road to weekend bliss lies not in chichi bedrooms, but in glamorous simplicity – giant pillows, goose-down duvets and a bathroom full of Jo Malone. Some have breathed new life into the old-fashioned grandeur of four-poster beds, gilt mirrors and opulent chandeliers, or devised a pared-down version of ethnicity, resulting in hotels that are more of a destination than a nostalgia trip. Of course, escapist comfort is just what you want when you’re planning to indulge in some, well, room service. Dirty weekends away for a couple of days of wild excess. And there’s nothing guaranteed to spark a sexual frisson more than surroundings that make you feel utterly glamorous and spoilt. Sex in a hotel room is the legal equivalent of doing it in the open. Now, if only your bedroom at home had the same effect…
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SAMODE PALACE, JAIPUR
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No arguments about who get their back jammed against the taps here. And no lame “Where’s the soap?” jokes. it doesn’t come more opulent – or raunchy – than this, with red and yellow to get your blood pumping. Endless wings, terraces, courtyards and levels marvel at lavish creations like the extravagantly painted Durbar Hall and breathtaking Sheesh Mahal. Twisting staircases and painted corridors open up to stunning rooms and suites.
A magnificent example of Rajput-Mughal architecture, meticulously restored, you could see some amazing mosaics and frescoes. If you have the time, that is. The marble-mosaic pool's gorgeous, though not heated. Like all good Indian hotels wooing the phirangs with ayurvedic massage, this one, too, doesn't lag behind. You can give the camel safari (in the bush at sunset) a skip, but not their wine! Simply superb list. As for the food, laal maans (a Rajasthani take on rogan-josh) is fab. And mobile phone reception is extremely low!!!!
Perfect for rugging up together, the place is made for lurve.

HOW TO REACH: By road, obviously, driving on NH 8. The 150-year-old palace stands in serene sprawling splendour on a hilltop at the end of a dusty road, an hour's drive from Jaipur.
The palace boasts 43 luxuriously appointed rooms, including 3 Royal Suites, 15 Deluxe suites and 25 Deluxe Rooms.